1. Q: What do you do all day?
A: I sit on my ass and eat bon-bons.
2. Q: Why do you always have to yell?
A: It’s not yelling, it’s called using my loud, loving voice.
3. Q: How do you always know when I’m sick?
A: I know everything, I do the laundry.
4. Q: Why do you ask so many questions?
A: Because an enquiring mother wants to know.
5. Q: Why can’t you be like other mom’s that don’t care what their kids are doing?
A: Because I choose to be different and that’s that.
6. Q: Why did you have kids?
A: Because it was the next thing to do.
7. Q: Why did you marry Dad?
A: I have been asking myself that question a lot lately, (while taking a sip of wine), all I can say is, he was different back in the day.
8. Q: Why do you always have to make things so complicated?
A: FYFI, it’s not me it’s you!
9. Q: Why do you always have to get involved with my life?
A: As long as you live in my house anything you say or do will be used against you. When you leave this house that’s when I won’t get involved with your life ever again. So maybe you should start thinking about getting a life and getting out of mine! But in the meantime, make yourself useful and get me a glass of wine.
10. Q: What’s for dinner tonight?
A: Everyone’s favorite, shit on a shingle.