New Year’s resolutions are one of my pet peeves. Seems like we all, at one time or another, have fallen victim to the mysterious powers of the “ball dropping.” I could remember back in time when I would prepare for my New Year’s resolution as if I were getting ready for the Olympics. I’d pump myself up physically and mentally so that when the ball drops I could run with my power ball, full speed ahead, into the New Year with no side effects or withdrawal symptoms from past years. As midnight approached, the countdown began, and the ball slowly dropped, a shift occurred. I took my ball, stepped over the line, and became “born again.” The heroic feeling of all that I have prepared for was here. I was in the “New Year, New Me” mode.
Forty five minutes into the “New Me” speech that I was preaching to everyone, I was stopped dead in my tracks by a Devil in Prada holding a lit cigarette, a cocktail, and a piece of chocolate cheesecake. She grabbed me by the arm, dragged me to a chair, and said, “Shut the hell up! If I wanted to listen to this I would’ve spent New Year’s Eve with my grandmother.” So here I was, once again, a fallen “born again” who took the Devils offering. I took a drag, took a swig, and shoved the entire chocolate cheesecake down my throat and asked for seconds. The Devil looked at me and said; “Now that’s my girl.” I was left with no other words to say but, “New Year’s resolutions… I’m so done!”
Yup—I was done alright. Forty five minutes into the New Year, I folded: and why? Because I wasn’t really “done.” There was a part of me that wasn’t done with what I wanted to get rid of even though I prepped myself. A woman goes through stages before she makes serious changes with her life. A lot of the time we stay stuck for years because we have great stamina. We can play long and hard in this game of life until we throw in the towel and say we are done. Not only do we take abuse from others, we also take a lot of abuse that we inflict on ourselves. So when are we really done? I say it’s when there is enough power in our words to take serious action and we are in “period” mode. A mode where you end all your statements by saying the word “period…” And this means business.
Here are the stages we go through:
- Stage 1—Misery Loves Company: We say; “I’m done. I’m all done. I’m done, that’s it, and I’ve had it.” This is what I call the “all talk, no action stage.” It doesn’t have enough power to do anything but just make you bitch and moan. This stage could last years.
- Stage 2—Misery Loves Company on the Rocks: We say; “I’m all done, I’m sick and tired, I’ve had it with everybody,” and, “I’m so done!” Mix this stage with alcohol, and you’ve got yourself one sorry ass, crying bitch.
- Stage 3—Launch Mode on the F-Bomber: We say; “I’m so fucking done! Done! Done! Done! I am sick and fucking tired of dealing with everyone’s fucking bullshit including my own. I have fucking had it, I am sooo fucking done! Period!”
And there you have it—now, there is enough power to part the Red sea, walk on water, and make any New Year’s resolution last a lifetime. Life begins when we fly on the F-Bomber aircraft. I have no shame in saying that I have first class seating and unlimited flyer miles on this plane because when in launch mode, this “top gun bitch” will take down anyone in her air space, period!
In “period mode” we are at our peak. We are confident, strong, and powerful in making life changing resolutions for ourselves and, we do it guilt free; that’s the beauty of it. I like to call it the “guilt free fly zone.”
Many of my best “period mode” resolutions were not done on New Year’s eve, but rather at any given time in my life that I needed change because my motto is, “If you’ve seen one ball drop, you’ve seen ‘em all.”
Remember my sisters, you’re just one cocktail away from the VIP section of the F-Bomber to changing your life.
Here’s to 2012! It’s a done deal… Period!
I am so fucking done!! Period!