How am I a bitch?…..Let me count the ways.

Sentimental Bitch: I can reminisce about days past when the kids were small and wish I could go back, but then I pour myself another glass of wine and think, there is no way in hell I would ever want to go through that again.

Happy Bitch: I have lived long enough to know that it’s my life purpose to be happy and make myself happy first before anyone else in my life.

Witty Bitch: No matter what, I always find laughter while going through any situation in my life. There isn’t a day I don’t make a joke and laugh. A favorite hobby of mine is making fun of people. One of my greatest assets is having the ability to laugh and make fun of myself.

Fearless Bitch: I know that there is no person, place or thing that will stop me from living my life to the fullest. So no matter what happens to me in life I say, “Bring it on!”

Beautiful Bitch: Whether I’m going to a cocktail party, in a pair of jeans or sweats, wearing makeup or not, it is my inner knowing that I am a beautiful person no matter what the outside world may see.

Confident Bitch: Life is too short to not be all that I can be. I love myself and hold no judgment or regrets about my life story to date. Everything happened for a reason in order for me to be who I am today and I honor myself for that.

Ruthless Bitch: Life is ever changing and so am I. As I move into the next phase of my life, I don’t have time to play games with anyone anymore; been there done that. There are no more second chances or waiting around patiently for things to change. It’s either you’re in or you’re out because whichever way you have it I’m doing it my way.

Thoughtless Bitch: Pouring myself a glass of, “I don’t give a fuck” and putting absolutely no thought or worries into anything that my kids and husband are doing with their lives is one of my favorite pastimes.

Martini Bitch: With my cocktail in hand which is my lethal weapon, my best advice to anyone would be to think before you speak, because there’s a strong possibility that I might say something that you don’t want to hear. And as always, I will say it with no regrets.

Loving Bitch: I will open my heart to anyone and do anything for anyone but the minute I feel I am being taken advantage of, there’s no more unconditional love just unconditional bitch.

Honest Bitch: I have no problems letting everyone know my true feelings. I could care less about what anyone thinks about me or says about me. I don’t need anyone’s approval because I know the honest truth about myself. I believe that living in the truth always keeps you grounded because I don’t have time for lies. If it’s not real then I don’t want any part of it. And that’s how an honest bitch stays true to herself.

Mother Bitch: I have the hardest job on earth because I’m raising the next generation. So if I don’t do my job right the entire world will pay for it. It’s my job to prepare my kids for the real world. I teach my daughter the ropes on being a “good bitch” by honoring herself and not settling for less than what she deserves. And I teach my son to be a respectful, well rounded man who also has a great ability to understand a woman. And the only way he can do this is by me reminding him every day that he truly is a “son” of a “bitch.” Now whoever said being a mother bitch doesn’t have a global effect?

And lastly, my all time favorite

Witch Bitch: I can cast a spell by giving a bitch look to someone that can take them down in a second without even saying a word. The bitch look is the silent, slow death that leaves the victim with a lasting impression that they will never forget and leads them to say, “You bitch!” It’s the most powerful trait all bitches have.

 Once again, how am I a bitch?……let me count the ways.

Summer FM’s!

  1. When you have 10 million pairs of glasses in the house and you can’t find one pair.
  2. When you’re in the middle of something important and your mother in law pulls in the driveway.
  3. When you realize that it’s dark out and you’re still driving with your sunglasses on.
  4. When you’re driving somewhere but you automatically start driving to work and you realize it 20 minutes later.
  5. When you take the day off of work to go to the beach and it starts to pour once you lay in the sand.

FM Friday!!

  1. Rushing out of the fitting room at a store after getting an “emergency” call and noticing that you’re still wearing the shirt you were trying on.
  2. Making your girlfriend laugh so hard that one of her contacts falls in her food.
  3. While waiting in the checkout line with a full basket of groceries, the fire alarms goes off in the store and an announcement is made to inform you everyone needs to evacuate the building.
  4. Your son waking you up at 1am to ask where the hamburger buns are because he’s having a cook out.
  5. When your son says he’s going out for big dinner with his girlfriend while he’s grilling himself a fresh NY Strip.

Word to the Wise;

. . . never tell your family the truth about what is going on in your life and here’s why:

Number one: they can’t handle it.

Number two: they wouldn’t believe you anyway.

Lying is the great secret the keeps family together.

Cheers! And I’ll drink to that!