If the person you are with is carrying too much emotional baggage, leave them at the gate and get on the flight yourself.
Wisdom and Wit Wednesday:
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Monthly Archives: May 2012
Here we go again with the never ending FM’s!
- Looking at your husband’s man boobs and thinking, “His tits are bigger than mine.”
- When your girlfriend doesn’t tell you that you have food stuck in your teeth.
- Your son having a conversation with you while he is in his underwear.
- Walking around with two pairs of reading glasses on in the grocery store and then wondering why everyone is staring at you.
- Wearing a shirt to work with the price tag still on it.
You will never truly understand someone’s situation, until it happens to you.
So before you are tempted to offer advice that you have no experience in, my advice to you would be to take “no judgment card” out of your wallet, put it on the table, order two cocktails and keep your mouth shut.
Honey Don’t
Yup- it’s that time of the year again for all of us to give our husbands the famous “Honey Do List.” It’s the great expectation list that we all want completed before the summer season is in full swing. Well, I’m here to say that from my experience, the “Honey Do List” doesn’t work and I have the evidence to prove it: I have numerous notebooks that I call the “Honey Do Diaries” that I started back in 1989 that my husband is still working on today. He was one who never responded well to the “Honey Do List,” even though I made them anyway for wishful thinking. So after almost 25 years of marriage I decided to do the opposite and give him a “Honey Don’t List,” which is given to him seasonally via email and text message now. No more writing in the “Honey Do Diaries” for me anymore because those days are long gone. All I can say now is things have definitely changed since I started my “Honey Don’t List.” He seems to respond better to the word “don’t” verses “do” because after he reads the list he ends up calling me a bitch and leaves me alone…and at this point in my life, it’s all that I want! God knows after all these years I’m entitled to something, seeing that, it’s the least my honey can do. Here’s to the lists girls, Cheers and Happy Summer!
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“Honey Don’t” bother me when I’m in deep thought reading The Fifty Shades of Grey.
- “Honey Don’t” bother me when I’m drinking my wine.
- “Honey Don’t” bother me when I’m getting my nails done.
- “Honey Don’t” touch me when I’m having a hot flash.
- “Honey Don’t” bother me with your wants and needs, when I made it perfectly clear to you that, “it’s all about me now.”
- “Honey Don’t” call me when I’m out with the girls to ask me a stupid ass question.
- “Honey Don’t” ask what’s for dinner when I told I’m on strike for the summer.
- “Honey Don’t” come home from work with a bitchy attitude and expect me to feel sorry for you when I’m sitting by the pool having a cocktail.
- “Honey Don’t” ask me to call and make any appointments for you when I made it perfectly clear that it’s time for you to grow up and do it yourself.
- “Honey Don’t” sit next to me with no shirt on, because your frickin man boobs make me sick.
It’s FM Friday!
Aside
1. Your husband making a 911 call to you while you’re out of state because he doesn’t know what to do with his 20 year old son who is sick.
2. Being awakened by the telephone ringing in the middle of the night and you get up and answer the remote.
3. Loading your groceries in your trunk and you turn around and the shopping cart is taking off down the parking lot.
4. Trying to talk to someone after you had Novocain from the dentist.
5. Breaking one of your dental crowns while eating a banana
