- Walking to a parking lot and realizing it’s not yours.
- Gossiping about a friend on your girlfriend’s answering machine, and the person who calls you back tells you that you called the wrong number and it’s the one you were talking about.
- Your teenager telling you to take a “chill pill” because you’re asking questions like a private investigator.
- Watching your husband eat buffalo wings like a caveman, leaving you to think, if you wanted to see this you would have put on the national geographic channel.
- Watching your kids baseball game for six innings and you find out you are at the wrong field.
“If the relationship you’re in has more issues than a magazine, don’t renew the subscription.”
It’s just a little something to think about as we enter spring cleaning mode.
Ever have life back you up against a wall and you ask it, “Why the hell am I taking all this bullshit from everyone?” When life circumstances fill you with feelings of frustration and you feel that everyone is sucking the life out of you, know for sure that justice is on the way and you don’t have to take it anymore. It all starts with a simple question that you need to say out loud to yourself, “What have you done for me lately?” Yup- it’s as simple as that, “What have you done for me lately?”
As a woman very well knows, the more she does for people, the less she gets in return and the more everyone expects from her as time goes on. The feeling that no one gives a damn about your feelings becomes a dominate contributor to your stress, and not to mention the fact that you’re going through menopause and you feel like you did back in the day; some thirty years ago, when this whole period thing started. Like a hormonally crazed cry baby psycho bitch. So the question that you need to shout out to the world is, once again, “What have you done for me lately?”
My son’s famous last words are, “Can I use your car and can I borrow twenty bucks?” But as time goes on, the twenties add up to owing hundreds of dollars, the car never has gas, and it always seems to make funny noises when I go to drive it: Which leads me to say, “What have you done for me lately?” My husband’s famous line is, “don’t worry about me for dinner I’m all set, so don’t bother cooking.” Yup- thanks for the heads up. I’m so glad he called at six o’clock with the dinner in the oven to tell me that one. Again, “what have you done for me lately?” And my daughter, it never fails, no matter where she is she will ask me to get her water, even if she is standing right in front of the sink. One time she was at her softball game and she forgot her water bottle so she decided to call me to see if I would drive to her game and bring her one. I told her to find the ice cream man and I hung up the phone. Once again, “what have you done for me lately?”
One time I remember having one of those weeks from hell, everything that could go wrong went wrong and to make it even worse it was a full moon. It just seemed like everyone around me was having problems of their own and looking to me to be their “go to, quick fix, bitch slap” therapist. It was definitely one of those “vodka, take me away” moments. I just wanted to lock myself in my room and never come out.
But like anything else, that’s only a temporary fix. So I decided that I needed to hit everyone with a bitch slap question of the week: “What have you done for me lately?”
So when the phone rang and I saw who it was on the caller ID, instead of picking up the phone and getting aggravated I yelled out loud, “What have you done for me lately?” and poured myself a cocktail. While eating dinner with my family one evening and everyone looking for help with their “end of the world problems” from the go to girl who everyone seems to suck the life out of, I got up from my chair, took a swig of my wine, and said to everyone, “What have you done for me lately?” Then I stomped my feet all the way up the stairs to my room, slammed the door, and locked everyone out like a bratty teenager. This is what it always comes down to; even in this day and age, a woman has to fight for her rights.
What I’ve learned from all this is, being too good is bad because everyone just uses you. But being bad is better because you get more respect. And let me tell you something, I can do bad good! “What have you done for me lately?”—if a woman has to ask, you will receive exactly what you gave her… nothing!
- Getting to work and realizing your home phone is in your pocket.
- Driving behind a school bus and you’re in a hurry.
- Sitting on the toilet and realizing there is no more toilet paper.
- Cooking a holiday dinner and the power goes out.
- Going to an appointment on the wrong day.
Men usually have the hardest time with this statement because anything that is of truth outside of “their world” that they have to deal with is best to be dealt with the old fashion way, DENIAL. It’s their security blanket.